Sometimes It’s Okay to Hide

When the sight of the red-blood-cell bag would become too much, or the pokes too many, or the smell of the chemotherapy would overwhelm my nose—I wanted to escape. To hide. With my whole being I wanted to run. Run far and run fast. But he was four. How could… Read more“Sometimes It’s Okay to Hide”

Caregiver Resources – Write Things Down

Write things down. That’s probably one of the biggest and best pieces of advice I can give any caregiver. I distinctly remember sitting across from the Head Oncologist of my four-year-old son’s teams (three groups) of doctors.  He was an attending physician/professor and coordinated two hospitals’ treatment protocols in connection… Read more“Caregiver Resources – Write Things Down”

The Blood and the PTSD

I ran frantically through the house, sweat dripping down my back and my eyes wide open with that familiar gritty I’ve-spent-all-night-awake-in-the-hospital-feeling. I grabbed things and flung them into suitcases and yelled again for my kids to get out! No one answered and I redoubled my efforts. Piles of laundry gave… Read more“The Blood and the PTSD”

Submersion or Submission: Which would you choose?

In the fifth part of our series on how caregivers seem to experience the same reactions to circumstances that a drowning person experiences, we explore the options a drowning person has–submersion or submission. “From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with… Read more“Submersion or Submission: Which would you choose?”

In the Midst of Catastrophe and Crisis

When catastrophe strikes and crises arise, caregivers and survivors often struggle with guilt and surreal feelings of isolation and wonder that life moves on around us. Sometimes we are caught so deeply in our own battle that we forget others face different fights. But even harder –  we’re bewildered that… Read more“In the Midst of Catastrophe and Crisis”

What If and If Only

As I stood under the spray of my shower yesterday morning, the what if moments of our cancer journey replayed through my mind. The remonstrating hospital staff telling me that I shouldn’t do that repeated in my head as well.  But my son bleeding in his tears haunts me and… Read more“What If and If Only”

Steal Away with Me

Steal away with Me. Escape the chains of responsibility Eschew the ropes of judgement and scorn Discard the tethers of others’ expectations And sit awhile with Me. Steal away with Me. Let the laundry lie in its limp endless loads Seek a crack in the cacophony of caregiving Allow the… Read more“Steal Away with Me”

Caregivers for Life

Although the house smelled of medication, rancid dishrags, baby powder and urine, the remnants of a life well-lived were evident all around. Knick-knacks reflecting good taste and money waited for my dust-cloth. A black grand piano sat in ancient splendor in a darkened and neglected corner of the living room. … Read more“Caregivers for Life”

All Those Comments

We’ve all heard them – those cringe-worthy comments that are delivered with care, but little experience or understanding.  Those phrases that slap a caregiver upside the head and leave one reeling with hurt, confusion and a struggle with faith.  Those sentences that are well-meant but not well delivered. “God must have needed you… Read more“All Those Comments”

The Power of Pudding

  Finding the secret to giving a young boy the nastiest tasting medicine became the challenge of my life over-night when he was diagnosed with leukemia. We tried everything.  Applesauce, ice cream, juice, Popsicles, regular food he liked (burritos were a favorite) yogurt and just plain water.  Nothing made that bitter,… Read more“The Power of Pudding”