When the sight of the red-blood-cell bag would become too much, or the pokes too many, or the smell of the chemotherapy would overwhelm my nose—I wanted to escape. To hide. With my whole being I wanted to run.
Run far and run fast.
But he was four. How could I run? So I stayed.
But sometimes, when he drifted off to sleep, his lashless, blue-veined eyelids closed, I would take a walk. Just around the corner but on the same floor as the children’s cancer ward, there was a “Meditation Room.”
I can still see it.
Carefully constructed to not cater to any specific religion or belief, it was a small room with soft lighting glowing out from behind non-descript wooden cutouts.
I can still feel it.
The benches were hard, as if to remind one that staying long was not an option, but they were wide, in case someone needed to curl up and cry.
I can still smell it.
Some sort of citrusy scent that did not allow a hint of chemotherapy, blood or medications. Someone had made an effort to make the room smell fresh, but somehow a touch of “hospital” remained.
I can still hear it.
Thickened walls meant you couldn’t hear the hospital noises but the soft lighting was still fluorescent because the buzz never stopped. Hospital announcements would still intrude on the silence, because they were too important to screen out.
If someone was already in there unspoken rules were observed. No talking. Pay no attention to red-rimmed eyes. Do not use cell phones. Acknowledgement was fine, but do not talk about your ill child. Nod and move to your own isolated spot.
Hiding from reality. Hiding from fear and from the cancer ward – that place where joyful and optimistic children were dying.
Sometimes I felt guilty, hiding like that. Was I running? Avoiding? Selfish?
Oh I don’t think so. I searched for my Creator, my Physician, my Savior and my Friend. I needed those moments on those hard benches with the soft lighting and the soft buzzing and the soft silence in order to face the hard days ahead.
Sometimes we need our soft and loving God to face whatever is ahead.Sometimes we need our soft and loving God to face whatever is ahead. #cancer #caregiving #cancerencouragement Click To Tweet
Don’t forget that, my friends! Hide away, even if just for a moment, and renew yourself in Him!
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say[a] to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge[b]—
10 no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
14 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
Today’s spotlight shines on Barbara and her post about caring for the elderly. Check in out over at Stray Thoughts: Click here!
In order to make this link up user friendly AND pertinent to caregivers and their needs, please make sure that what you link up follows the guidelines for the week. This week is for ENCOURAGEMENT FOR CAREGIVERS. Share a link that will encourage a caregiver. If you aren’t sure if your link is appropriate, feel free to email me at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com and ask!
We will delete links that aren’t on topic in order to keep the link up a true community resource. We WILL contact you first and let you know that we will remove your link.
For non-caregiving related links, we invite you to participate in the Inspire Me Monday link up over at www.anitaojeda.com.
By linking up, you agree to receive weekly reminders about the link up.
Do look for the caregiver boards on Pinterest.
Do link up more than one post!
Join our Facebook community, too! It’s easy, just click that button over on the right! —->
The whole point of the link up is to make connections and form community with other caregivers, so don’t forget to visit the person who linked up before you as well as the person who linked up after you.
If you read something that moves you, share! Tweet, pin, share on Facebook, whatever it takes to draw others into to our caregiver stories. All too often, caregivers suffer in silence because they don’t think anyone cares to hear their voice. We care! If you’d like to join the Caregiver Connections Pinterest Board (so you can pin your caregiver-related posts), just drop me an email at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com.[/callout]