Eleven Ways to Make Sure Your Houseguests Don’t Feel Welcome


It’s that time of the week again–when brave bloggers join together for a twitter party (#fmfparty), laughter (well the LOL sort), and a challenge from Kate Motaung (our hostess) to write for five minutes on her brainchild prompt.  Sometimes, the prompts stir profound thoughts in my soul, and I rush to order them into some sort of eloquence in my allotted five minutes.  Sometimes…well, sometimes satire comes out.  Like tonight. So enjoy, my friends!

1. Make sure you won’t be home when they arrive. Act surprised when they call or text you asking about your time of return.
2. Don’t bother asking about their dietary preferences or restrictions. After all, it’s too much work to prepare special meals.
3. Sleep in until noon each day.
4. Serve only one meal a day and feel offended if your guests slink away to the local market to supplement your offerings.
5. Plan activities without consulting your guests.
6. Schedule doctor’s appointments during their visit.
7. Make sure they know your home is a show place and that nothing should be touched, moved or dirtied.
8. Assume they’ll bring their own blankets and bedding.
9. Argue with your spouse in front of your guests.
10. Accuse your guests’ children of being too noisy.
11. Make sure they know how much extra work having guests really is.

What about you?  Have anything to add to the list?