A Staph Infection filled with Fear

Fighting the infection of fear with the antibiotic of trust

Fight infection with God’s antibiotic of peace.
Exodus 14:14

My boy has a staph infection.  Undetermined source. Scary. Fever-inducing. Icky. Doctor monitored.  Antibiotic drowned.

But it’s OK.

Because my boy is 17 and cancer free.

As awful as a staph infection is now, it’s not what it used to be!

When Andrew was four, we drove home from my high school reunion, happy to have been around people for the first time since Andrew’s diagnosis of Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia just a few months prior.  Half-way through the trip, Andrew’s temperature went sky high and we immediately called the oncologist who called the nearest hospital.

We raced into the ER and were rushed through triage where a tiny spot was found on Andrew’s side;  From there it was only a matter of moments until Andrew was ensconced in an isolation room with an antechamber that required any and all who entered to fully gown and mask up.

Trauma.

The surreal feeling of a relatively new cancer diagnosis was compounded by the head-to-toe garb required just to read Andrew a story from a sanitized book.  Visitors were limited to just daddy and mommy, which was tough as we were hours from home and had our girls with us.

Fear invaded worse than the infection.

Where did he get that little dot in his side?  We’ll never know for sure, although we like to blame it on the slide.  All we know is that it ballooned up and his temperature raged for days and he remembers absolutely nothing about the entire time, because, he says,

“It’s selective memory.”

Now Andrew sits in the living room, his cheek swollen to twice it’s normal size.  He has a sore spot from four injection sites and a large bottle of infection killers mocks me from the counter.  Andrew shrugs, it’s no big deal.  Yeah, it hurts, but he’s been through worse.

For him, it’s no big deal.

But I’m the caregiver from those years when he was four, five, six and seven and a staph infection meant life or death with only moments of antibiotics making that difference.  I’m the one that gowned up to enter my boy’s room.  I sent the girls home with friends in order to care for my boy.  Medication time was routine and countless bottles sat on my counter.

My husband and son texted from Urgent Care on Sunday:  “It’s a Staph infection.  Good thing we came in.  Dr is concerned but will try shots and meds rather than hospital for tonight.”

No big deal.

So why did I sit down and cry?

Apparently words like “staph” infection and “hospitalization” are trigger words for me.  Actually, I have many trigger words – cancer, Leukemia, chemotherapy.  The list goes on.  I kick up my fight-or-flight response with very little provocation, it seems, and it all stems from those years of fighting for my son’s life.  Years of trying to be strong.  Months of wading through phases of treatment. Weeks of waiting for meds to kick in.  Days of waiting for blood results.  Hours of hospitals, doctors and nurses.  Those memories trigger my fears.

Those trigger words are like a nasty, sick infection. A staph infection that gets inside and eats away anything good and kills anything within it’s reach.  They can make my heart race.  Trigger words can rob my soul of peace.  Fear can invade worse than any infection.

Except, my caregiver friends, we have the antibiotic.

Jesus assures us of the End of the battle with sickness and despair.  I can take a rest from my caregiving stress and relax, knowing that God has got me, and even more importantly, to this mom, He’s got my boy.

Even in the midst of caregiving, take a moment and relax in God’s presence and in His peace.  Let the infection of fear seep out of your heart and soul.  God will never leave you nor forsake you.

When the #staphinfection of fear hits you, #caregiver, hang onto God's antibiotic! #caregiverconnections Click To Tweet

Today’s featured post from Caregiver Connections is here!  Click and read and then link in your own post for a chance at being featured!

 

Guidelines

In order to make this link up user friendly AND pertinent to caregivers and their needs, please make sure that what you link up follows the guidelines for the week. This week is for CAREGIVER Stories.  Share a link to your story of what it’s like to care for someone else (or have someone else care for you). If you aren’t sure if your link is appropriate, feel free to email me at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com and ask!

We will delete links that aren’t on topic in order to keep the link up a true community resource. We WILL contact you first and let you know that we will remove your link.

For non-caregiving related links, we invite you to participate in the Inspire Me Monday link up over at www.anitaojeda.com.

By linking up, you agree to receive weekly reminders about the link up.

Do look for the caregiver boards on Pinterest.

Do link up more than one post!

Join our Facebook community, too! It’s easy, just click that button over on the right! —->

The whole point of the link up is to make connections and form community with other caregivers, so don’t forget to visit the person who linked up before you as well as the person who linked up after you.

If you read something that moves you, share! Tweet, pin, share on Facebook, whatever it takes to draw others into to our caregiver stories. All too often, caregivers suffer in silence because they don’t think anyone cares to hear their voice. We care! If you’d like to join the Caregiver Connections Pinterest Board (so you can pin your caregiver-related posts), just drop me an email at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com.

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Truth and Grace: the Cornerstones of Surviving as a Caregiver

Caregiver Connections: Encouragement for Caregivers

graceCornerstones of Caregiving: Truth and Grace

They say God provides grace for every moment of a
caregiver’s journey.

True.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Moments of doubt and frustration;
Tired of wearing a happy-face-state-of-grace and tired of
acting like the strong one who could
shoulder the chemo and the radiation and the
tender hearts and cuts and bruises and hurt feelings of
children facing too much too young.grace

And God did provide
Grace for the journey. I knew an
invisible, yet warm and loving hand rested on my
shoulder when I gazed into the future and didn’t know
if Pedro had a next hour, a next minute or a next breath.

Grace looks like casseroles on the front porch, and
money left in books, and early-morning
rides to the airport, and
selfless giving in times of utter darkness.

Nonetheless,
Caregiving creates a loneliness inside, an
utter exhaustion that clouds the picture of grace once the
race for life is won.

True.
God provides grace for the
recovering caregiver’s journey, too. Through
found friends in similar circumstance, a
sympathetic listener who ‘gets’ the term ‘recovering cancer caregiver.’
God provides community to part the clouds so I once again see His
Grace.

How have you discovered God’s grace in your caregiving journey? We’d love to have you share your stories in the comments (or link up if you have a blog!).

Find stories of encouragment (or leave a story of encouragement) at the Caregiver Connections link up today! #caregiver #caregivers Click To Tweet

Caregiver Spotlight

Today’s spotlight shines on Barbara Harper, who blogs over at Stray Thoughts. She compiled a beautiful list of encouraging Bible verses for caregivers. Pop on over to Barabara’s today for some awesome encouragement!

Link-Up!

Guidelines

In order to make this link up user friendly AND pertinent to caregivers and their needs, please make sure that what you link up follows the guidelines for the week. This week is for ENCOURAGEMENT FOR CAREGIVERS.  Share a link that will encourage a caregiver. If you aren’t sure if your link is appropriate, feel free to email me at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com and ask!

We will delete links that aren’t on topic in order to keep the link up a true community resource. We WILL contact you first and let you know that we will remove your link.

For non-caregiving related links, we invite you to participate in the Inspire Me Monday link up over at www.anitaojeda.com.

By linking up, you agree to receive weekly reminders about the link up.

Do look for the caregiver boards on Pinterest.

Do link up more than one post!

Join our Facebook community, too! It’s easy, just click that button over on the right! —->

The whole point of the link up is to make connections and form community with other caregivers, so don’t forget to visit the person who linked up before you as well as the person who linked up after you.

If you read something that moves you, share! Tweet, pin, share on Facebook, whatever it takes to draw others into to our caregiver stories. All too often, caregivers suffer in silence because they don’t think anyone cares to hear their voice. We care! If you’d like to join the Caregiver Connections Pinterest Board (so you can pin your caregiver-related posts), just drop me an email at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com.

 

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The Dangers of Neglecting Self-Care for Caregivers

Taking Care of Yourself isn't Selfish or Indulgent

self-careNeglecting Yourself Can Lead to Weight Gain

I learned the lesson the hard way. When my husband had non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma with central nervous system involvement, I didn’t take care of myself. I spent all of my energies taking care of him, trying to keep up with my job, and parent our two young children. As a result, I gained 50 pounds. Those extra 50 pounds hung around and made other aspects of my life more difficult.

self-careWhen Pedro first received his diagnosis, I had just started an exercise program after moving to a new home, new job, and a new state. For the first few months, I kept on exercising. But as his cancer progressed, I used my busyness as an excuse to avoid exercising. Instead, I should have made a firm commitment to exercise vigorously for at least thirty minutes a day. The exercise would have helped regulate my emotions as well as provided a boost to my immune system and metabolism.

During my second caregiver journey (when our college-age daughter had to move home to deal with an undiagnosed mental illness), I made a point to exercise regularly. I managed to not gain weight NOR to turn to overeating as a way to cope with the angst of caregiving.

Overeating often acts as a corrollary to not exercising. During Pedro’s illness I convinced myself (an easy task), that I deserved to eat whatever I wanted to. After all, I had put my life on hold to take care of my husband. I had earned the right to indulge.

This attitude did nothing for my health. It added to my stress as I rapidly went through my wardrobe and had to continue purchasing larger and larger sizes.

Your Attitude about Self-care Makes all the Difference

I discovered during my second caregiving journey the difference making a commitment to self-care could make in my experince. Instead of indulging myself with “I deserve to eat this” statements, I nourised myself with “I only want to feed my body good things” statements.

When I wanted to curl up in a ball of frustration over another argument with my daughter, I chose to go for a run or a long walk instead. I discovered that walking and running (without music or headphones) helped me process my angry, bewildered, frustrated, and unproductive emotions.

These two attitudes—eating to nourish myself and exercising to process emotions—kept me from gaining weight or suffering from caregiver PTSD.

Caregivers who don't take care of themselves soon run out of fuel. #caregiverptsd #caregiver #self-care Click To Tweet

Guidelines

In order to make this link up user friendly AND pertinent to caregivers and their needs, please make sure that what you link up follows the guidelines for the week. This week is for SELF-CARE ADAVICE FOR CAREGIVERS (if your self-care advice has a story wrapped around it, that’s fine). If you aren’t sure if your link is appropriate, feel free to email me at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com and ask!

We will delete links that aren’t on topic in order to keep the link up a true community resource. We WILL contact you first and let you know that we will remove your link. For non-caregiving related links, we invite you to participate in the Inspire Me Monday link up over at www.anitaojeda.com.

By linking up, you agree to receive weekly reminders about the link up.

Do look for the caregiver boards on Pinterest

Do link up more than one post!

Join our Facebook community, too! It’s easy, just click that button over on the right! —->

Community Spotlight

This week’s community spotlight shines on Martha Grimm Brady. She cares for her husband, who suffers from stroke symptoms. This past October she wrote a series on self-care for caregivers on her blog, Gritty Grace. Take a few minutes to visit Martha and read the great advice she has to share.

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Find Valuable Resources at Caregiver Connections

Second Wednesday of the Month Highlights Resources

ResourcesResources for Caregivers

During Pedro’s battle with cancer I often felt clueless. For example, I didn’t know that hospitals made arrangements for air ambulances. I didn’t know that the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society gave grants to help family members travel. The one cancer caregiving resource that I knew about (Ronald McDonald House) didn’t help out families of adults with cancer, so I figured we were on our own.

I didn’t realize that massage, aromatherapy, and essential oils could benefit my husband (and ME, a stressed-out caregiver). Caring Bridge? Never heard of it. I do know that I often felt underwater and on the brink of overwhelm.

Maybe you’ve acted as a caregiver for years, or maybe just a season. Maybe you enjoy researching things, or maybe you just feel a desperate need to figure something out. Whatever the case, we can learn from each other. This week’s link up is specifically for blog posts or pages that have useful resources for caregivers.

A ‘useful resource’ would be a post about how you found help from a helping organizaiton or agency (such as the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society). It might include lists of local resources, hotlines, blogs you’ve discovered, or advice. If your caregiving journey has included active patricipation in support groups, share your experience with us!

Guidelines

In order to make this link up user friendly AND pertinent to caregivers and their needs, please make sure that what you link up follows the guidelines for the week. This week is for RESOURCES FOR CAREGIVERS (if your resource has a story wrapped around it, that’s fine). If you aren’t sure if your link is appropriate, feel free to email me at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com and ask!

We will delete links that aren’t on topic in order to keep the link up a true community resource. We WILL contact you first and let you know that we will remove your link. For non-caregiving related links, we invite you to participate in the Inspire Me Monday link up over at www.anitaojeda.com.

By linking up, you agree to receive weekly reminders about the link up.

Do look for the caregiver boards on Pinterest

Do link up more than one post!

Join our Facebook community, too! It’s easy, just click that button over on the right! —->

Community Spotlight

This week’s spotlight shines on Dr. Michelle Bengtson, a neuropsychologist, writer, and caregiver. She interviewed a dementia caregiver, and in this post, the caregiver shares resources for dementia caregivers. Make sure you check out both the article and Dr. Bengtson’s blog!

Link up Schedule:

1st Wednesday of the month: Caregiver Stories

2nd Wednesday of the month: Resources

3rd Wednesday of the month: Caregiver Self-care

4th Wednesday of the month: Caregiver Encouragement

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We Can All Agree that Caregiving is Tough

Welcome to Caregiver Connections

caregiver connectionsMaybe You’re a Caregiver and You Didn’t Even Realize it!

We all might not agree on politics, religion, or even who should have won the Super Bowl. I think we can all agree that caregiving can wear a person down. But first of all, what defines a caregiver? Literally, ‘caregiver’ is someone who gives care to another person. I would argue that a caregiver is someone who gives that care for free, usually to a family member.

A caregiver takes on the extra responsibility for a family member who can no longer take care of herself at her usual capacity. Even if the person being cared for can do some things by herself, whoever takes up the slack turns into a caregiver.

Parents with a special needs child act as caregivers, too. Their responsibilites go above and beyond the usual rounds of what most parents do.  In addition to all that parenting entails, they have to learn new strategies for dealing with a child’s fragile health or emotional state. They have to deal with the glares from others who don’t understand that their child (who looks normal) might have special needs.

We Can All Agree that Caregiving Takes a Toll

Whether we care for an ill husband, a parent with Alzheimer’s or dimentia, or a special needs child, we can all agree that caregiving takes a toll. One of the worst parts of caregiving involves the isolation. We wonder if anyone else has ever experienced the guilt, the loneliness, the frustration, the anger, and the exhaustion that we experience. Yes! They do!

That’s what Caregiver Connection is all about! The theme for the first Wednesday of each month is caregiver stories. If you’re a caregiver, or a caregiver has touched your life in a special way, this week is for you. Link up your honest stories of what caregiving looks like for you, from the trenches.

Join #CaregiverConnections and find community with other #caregivers! #caregiver #community #mentalhealth #cancer #TBI Click To Tweet

This Week’s Spotlight

This week’s featured story comes from Dana Butler, who’s beautiful, honest post about the toll caring for their two special needs kids caught my eye last week. Click on over to Dana’s space and find out what it’s like to parent special-needs children. Her story will amaze you and move you as you see God working in her life.
Guidelines

In order to make this link up user friendly AND pertinent to caregivers and their needs, please make sure that what you link up follows the guidelines for the week. This week is for CAREGIVER Stories.  Share a link to your story of what it’s like to care for someone else (or have someone else care for you). If you aren’t sure if your link is appropriate, feel free to email me at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com and ask!

We will delete links that aren’t on topic in order to keep the link up a true community resource. We WILL contact you first and let you know that we will remove your link.

For non-caregiving related links, we invite you to participate in the Inspire Me Monday link up over at www.anitaojeda.com.

By linking up, you agree to receive weekly reminders about the link up.

Do look for the caregiver boards on Pinterest.

Do link up more than one post!

Join our Facebook community, too! It’s easy, just click that button over on the right! —->

The whole point of the link up is to make connections and form community with other caregivers, so don’t forget to visit the person who linked up before you as well as the person who linked up after you.

If you read something that moves you, share! Tweet, pin, share on Facebook, whatever it takes to draw others into to our caregiver stories. All too often, caregivers suffer in silence because they don’t think anyone cares to hear their voice. We care! If you’d like to join the Caregiver Connections Pinterest Board (so you can pin your caregiver-related posts), just drop me an email at anita at blessedbutstressed dot com.

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The End of an Era and Making New Connections

endingAn Ending…

For over four years Blessed (but Stressed) has hosted the Inspire Me Monday linkup—sometimes other bloggers have acted as co-hosts, sometimes not. We’ve loved making connections with all of you! For the past two years, writers and readers have found community over at www.anitaojeda.com, as well.

I started the other blog in 2016 in order to find an outlet for my creative writing (Carol has a blog in the works, too). We’ve decided that we want to dedicate this space to caregiving and caregivers. Therefore, it makes more sense to stop hosting Inspire Me Monday here, and host it exclusively over at www.anitaojeda.com (and eventually on Carol’s blog, as well).

Thank you to all of you who have faithfully linked up over the years. If you’ve never checked out my other space, that’s where you’ll find the Inspire Me Monday linkup starting on February 4. This will be the last week that we host Inspire Me Monday here at Blessed (but Stressed).

…and a New Beginning With New Connections

connections

We’re excited to announce that we’ll start hosting a new link up, exclusively for posts by and for caregivers called ‘Caregiver Connections.’

The feelings of isolation that accompany the caregiving journey can overwhelm us at times. We’d like to provide a place for caregivers to find and read others’ stories. Or, if you’ve discovered a great resource or way to do something that other caregivers might benefit from, we want Caregiver Connections to be the go-to place for finding that information.

In order to make it easier for those visiting to find the kinds of posts they’re looking for, we’ll have a theme for each week.

First Wednesday of the month: Caregiver Stories

Share your personal stories of how caregiving has changed you or helped you to grow.

Second Wednesday of the month: Resources for Caregivers

Share your tips and hacks for making life easier as a caregiver. This can be healthy Instant Pot recipies, organizational hacks, or advice on handling insurance companies or other family members.

Third Wednesday of the month: Caregiver Self-Care

Share your tips and hacks for taking care of yourself as a caregiver. It’s not easy, and we need all of the help we can get!

Fourth Wednesday of the month: Caregiver Encouragement

You’ve been there, you’ve done that! One of the worst parts of caregiving is thinking that you’re alone. How can you encourage fellow caregivers?

Weekly Featured Blogs

Each week we’ll feature a post by a fellow caregiver. Sign up here to receive notifications of the link up each week. By sharing our stories and our experiences, we can make the lives of other caregivers just a little easier.

Sign up to get weekly reminders!

Look for an email each Wednesday to remind you to link up your caregiver-related blog posts.

Each week we'll have a theme as well as feature one blog post from the previous week that best embodies the previous week's theme.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit

So, please join us next Wednesday, February 7, for the first ever Caregiver Connection link up!


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Crutches for a Caregiver

Use those crutches - they help us keep moving!

Caregivers have to survive along with the patient.

Pudding.  Dora the Explorer.  Juice. Bambi.  Burritos.  Blankets.  Chemo backpacks. The Lion King. Ice Cream.

Crutches for a caregiver.

Crutches I thought I would never use!  But I used them for sure.  I used them often. Did that make me a bad mother?

I had always been a careful mother.  I oversaw every aspect of my children’s food, activities – everything.  As an educator I was careful with their screen-time, diet and bed-time.  I invited children to our yard to play, because I could keep my eye on my own kids better that way. I didn’t succumb to the temptation of using TV or screen-time as a baby-sitter.  Ice cream was rare.  Juice and pudding were treats.  Dora the Explorer?  I’d never seen it. We didn’t watch TV.

Having a four-year-old too weak to play, too lethargic to care, and too sick to eat spun my mothering ideals into a tail-spin.

Andrew’s medication tasted awful.  He was four so I ground it up and we got it down with pudding.  He was tired, but looked forward to Dora the Explorer during blood-draws.  Playing was out of the question, but a good dose of Bambi occupied him long enough for me to actually take a shower.

Burritos was the one food that trumped all other options and let’s be honest, I could hide one of his medications in that burrito.  I’d read that little ones drinking juice was a bad idea for their teeth, but water tasted pretty bad to my little guy and we worked to keep him hydrated.

Andrew had more blankets than anyone I’ve ever met in my life.  We used every single one.  He was extra cold, threw up often and we traveled to hospitals and clinics a lot – blankets made those trips bearable.  The chemo-backpack was started by my friend and added to often by other friends.  Toys abounded.  They had to be sanitized and switched out often in order to be of use.

Lion King was the funny movie Andrew wanted when he felt well.  And ice cream?  That was for those days when the medication was overwhelming and too much and the tears and the refusals had to be felt.  Ice cream was the reward for that nasty medicine going down all three times that day.  Ugh.

Where did my careful mothering go?  And did I do the right thing?

My mothering-style?  It went to survival mode.  Us mothers?  We have to survive.  Our most important job is to help our kids and our families survive.  Did I do the right thing to change the format of our lives?  Absolutely and I’d do it again in a second.

There is no “perfect” in caregiving.  There is no absolute “right” in mothering.  I hate all the stuff I see online – – the judgmental everyone-should-tolerate-each-other-as-long-as-they-do-it-my-way stuff that’s out there on social media.

Caregivers have to operate the best they can with what they are handed each day.  We have to use the tools at hand.  The patient needs to be comfortable, loved and taken care of the best way we know how.  But don’t forget this important part.

Caregivers have to survive this medical emergency too – it’s not just about the patient.

So do what you need to do to survive.  Use any and all crutches you can find,

And I’m just going to say this – my biggest, best and most stable crutch was not actually a crutch, but a foundation:

Jesus.  He’s the One that will get us through the difficulties.  I know I’m biased – but He is why I can sit here, on a Sunday, while my recovered Leukemia patient is outside shooting hoops!

Praise God for crutches.

A caregiver should use all the crutches available - and do NOT feel guilty! #caregiver #caregiving Click To Tweet

 


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Caregiver Loneliness Can Delay YOUR Recovery

Five Tips for Avoiding Isolation

loneliness

Take a Peek at Caregiver Loneliness

ICU minutes stretch like bubblegum—at some point, I know they’ll burst and slap more messiness into my life. I wait, lonely in the busiest place on the planet, for the nurses to allow me back into Pedro’s room. The tubes cascade out of his mouth, bringing life and hope that I won’t have to face the future alone.

***

Hospital minutes twang with anxiety—Pedro’s not in ICU any more, but nurses rush in on quiet feet each time I press the call button. Days have passed since he knew that I sit next to him, counting each breath and movement—hoping that this crisis will pass. The beeps of his vitals accompany my prayers. The loneliness presses in—squeezing hope into the corners.

 ***

I am on a highway, looking towards a bright future, yet time whizzes past me in a blur. I tend to Pedro’s needs during my lunch break, than hurry back to work. The four of us (Pedro, Laura, Sarah and I) relish his recovery, and long for time to regain its measured pace. Normalcy dances within reach, yet I feel lonelier than when minutes stretched like bubblegum.

The bills, the burdens, the new normal, all build an invisible wall between me and everyone else. No one understands the sheer panic a sneeze or a sniffle produces in my mind. No one understands the confusion of no longer living in panic mode.

I blindly hang on to the one constant from my journey. I know I have never been alone. Never been forsaken. But MY road to recovery is a lonely one. #caregiver Click To Tweet

Lessons Learned in Retrospect

Fifteen years have passed since Pedro’s stem-cell transplant saved his life. For him, recovery lasted about a year. For me? A lot longer. Cancer and other catastropic illnesses can act as blinders for the caregiver. We hyper-focus on the tasks at hand: taking care of our loved one, finding answers, and willing them to live. We forget that the world continues while we fight an isolated battle.

In retrospect, I would have done things a bit differently.

1). I would have found a support group for cancer caregivers.

I don’t know if they didn’t exist at the time of Pedro’s illness, or if I just didn’t see signs offering help. A few years after his recovery, I went to the same hospital and noticed posters all over the place for caregiver support groups. It would have been helpful to know that I wasn’t the only one having all the feelings that accompany caregiving.loneliness

2). I would have taken more interest in my friends.

Pedro’s illness took place before the advent Facebook and Instagram, so keeping in touch with friends meant phoning or writing letters. Nowadays, constant communication takes very little time and effort. You can take an interest in other people’s lives while you wait.

3) Make an effort to keep in touch with friends and family on a regular basis about non-caregiver related things.

This seems counterintuitive, because your world seems consumed by caregiving matters. But if you come out of the bubble, you’ll find connection with others that will help you when the crisis has ended and you return to normal life.

4) Don’t be afraid to ask for prayer for yourself.

I had no problems asking for prayer for Pedro and his specific needs. I had no idea that I could ask for prayer for myself. You can ask to join our Blessed (but Stressed) group of caregivers on Facebook. We pray for each other every Wednesday.

5) Acknowledge that YOU need time to recover, too.

Hopefully, if you take care of yourself during your journey (I didn’t), you’ll find that recovery takes less time. By staying connected with friends and family about non-caregiver related things, you won’t feel so isolated when your caregiving duties have ended. You’ll find it easier to resume activities that feel ‘normal’ to you, thus decreasing your sense of isolation and loneliness.

Know a Caregiver?

Do you know a caregiver?  Have you wondered if he or she might might suffer from caregiver loneliness?  What can YOU do to help? Don’t feel rejected if your caregiver friend seems distant and unresponsive. Keep reaching out! Caregivers suffer from loneliness but often don’t know how to express their feelings. They need YOU!


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Join the Club – Three Easy Tips for Caregivers

Carol

No matter how hard it feels to do – look for the perks of belonging to the caregiver club

It’s not an elite club.
It’s not a desirable club.
It comes with a very high membership fee.
No one ever requests to join.
But once you’ve been inducted into the club of Cancer Caregivers, you might as well participate fully. Even though it takes awhile for your head to stop spinning from the shock of the diagnosis, it’s important to jump into the caregiving role. No matter how busy you are at your full-time job of caregiving, plus your regular employment, plus your responsibilities as parent, spouse, outside of the caregiving role, our advice to you is Join the Club!

 

 

1. Make it a priority to participate.

Children’s hospital facilities often organize parent suppers or get-togethers to form a sort of parent-support group. Sometimes I felt that I did not have time to go, but when I went it was so nice to be with a group of people that were sharing my journey…who knew what questions NOT to ask, who knew what subjects were OK (it’s only in this group that it’s OK to talk about bodily fluids), and who might have more experience than you do at what you’re doing.

2. Take advantage of offers.

Sometimes, charitable groups offer benefits to cancer patients and their families. Candlelighters, a helper group for families of children with cancer, offered our family the chance to take a jet-boat river cruise for a day outing with other children-with-cancer families. They had offered other things over the years of fighting cancer, but often we could not participate because of travel distances or work commitments. This day on the river was a joy – and it was so touching to watch other cancer-kids in different phases of treatment, living their lives as “normal as possible” under the circumstances…choosing to live with joy for a day. It was good for my boy to recognize that other kids were in different stages, some bald, some healed, some still struggling—he felt like he was in a group where he belonged!

3. Be brave and share.

I remember standing outside the entryway to the children’s cancer ward, staring out the window, feeling very alone and overwhelmed. A lady stood down a ways and after awhile I noticed she had the same blank stare out at the beautiful scenery that I had. I felt a little shy, but she looked like she was hurting. I tried the line, “You come here often?” She smiled and told me of her son, back for his umpteenth hospital visit in a long fight with brain tumors. I told her of my son’s fourth hospital visit in a new fight against leukemia. We didn’t really offer any advice, we didn’t hug or make a lifetime friendship, but for just a moment, our burden was lightened because we were not walking alone.
What ‘club benefits’ have you found most helpful?


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Why You Should Forget About New Year’s Resolutions

Brainstorm Solutions, Instead

ResolutionKiss Resolutions Goodbye!

For years I made New Year’s resolutions: lose weight, start an exercise program, have better health, give up chocolate, and myriad other impossible proclamations.  While my husband recovered from his stem-cell transplant, I spent all of my spare time in bed. I felt grumpy and depressed and weighed fifty pounds more than I should. All of my resolutions clustered around me, tying me to my perpetual inaction.

And then I learned a secret.  ‘Resolution’ simply means to decide on a course of action—there’s nothing to ensure that I stay on course.  Lofty plans sound great on December 31, but without action they fall by the wayside quicker than couch potatoes running a 5K.

‘Solution,’ on the other hand, means ‘the act of solving a problem’ or ‘the state of being solved.’  Action equals motion.  This year, decide on solutions to problems and ditch the resolutions. Start with a list of things you’d like to accomplish, and then brainstorm ways to make those things happen. Don’t focus on your goal, though. You might end up feeling overwhelmed.

Focus on the little changes that you can make each day that add up to big changes over a long period of time. Those daily choices add up. Give yourself grace during your journey to forming new habits.

Resolutions

 

Changes Don’t Happen Overnight

Since saying ‘Adios!’ to New Year’s Resolutions, and acting to solve problems I saw in my life, I’ve lost those fifty extra pounds, lowered my cholesterol and learned that chocolate isn’t the enemy. I have more solutions to work out in my life, but I’m not the grumpy, frumpy middle-aged lump I used to be.

You can find out more about learning to really nurture yourself over at my other blog. On my journey, I’ve discovered lots of solutions to adding extra movement into my life and finding healthier ways to deal with stress.

Whether you’re a busy mom or a stressed-out caregiver, remember to give yourself grace for your journey. Change takes time (more than the month of January) in order to remain permanent. If you’d like to find a grace-filled support group, check out Faithful Finish Lines and their two-week FREE Grace Camp (affiliate link).

True change takes time! Give yourself grace, and don't try to accomplish everything in the just one month! #newyearsresolutions #solutions Click To Tweet

You can also download the printable graphic right here:





 

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