“Get out of my way!” I screamed at the driver who cut me off. “Where could you possibly have to go that’s more important than me taking my son to the ER?”
“I don’t have time for this!” I screamed in my classroom at the mountain of papers the substitute had piled up for me to grade.
“You can’t have him, we’re busy!” I screamed at the people wanting to talk to my husband about stupid mundane problems at school. “Can’t you see my son is hurting? Who cares about your trifling issues?”
“Don’t talk to me about your over-active son’s problems!” I screamed at the couple in the elevator. “My son used to be active, but now he might not even live!”
“Don’t joke about me ‘moving in’ when you see me carrying a suitcase into the hospital!” I screamed at the janitor. “This has become my life overnight, and it’s NOT a joke!”
“How can you all keep going on as though nothing is happening?” I screamed at the world.
“How can you go snowboarding when my son is fighting so hard to live? Why do you go shopping when my son is being poked over and over? Why are you renting movies and cracking jokes when my son is in so much pain? How can you go to school when my son is going through torture?”
I screamed at everyone!
My son. My only son. Fighting for his life while the world keeps going. My precious, precious son.
Wait a minute.
God’s son. His only son. His precious, precious son.
Does God want to scream at us? “How can you keep going? How can you keep doing those mundane useless things? Don’t you realize my son was tortured, poked and suffering? My only son?!”
But that’s not the kind of God He is. He doesn’t scream at people, just like I wasn’t really screaming at anyone. But I wanted to.
I wonder if God ever wants to scream.
Five things to do when you feel like screaming (but can’t):
- Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Seriously, it sounds too simple to be real, but breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth can change your mindset.
- Vent to a journal.
- Pray—if all you can say is, “Dear God!” it’s okay. He understands the groaning of our heart (Romans 8:26-28).
- Praise God—it sounds counter-intuitive, but praise wins over rage, every time.
- Phone a friend (a safe friend) and ask if you can vent out loud.
Join the Challenge!
Join the 5-Day Self-Care Challenge for Caregivers and start taking care of YOU!