Almost Losing to Completely Understand

Losing my Attitude

Almost Losing My Husband and Daughter Helped Me Understand

I grew up in a conservative family, attended private schools from kindergarten through college, married, had two children and thought I had life all figured out. I kept myself squeaky clean and did all those things that ‘good’ Christians should do and figured God would reward me by giving me a peaceful, easy life.

I had another think coming. My outward appearance and façade proclaimed that everything was going my way, but inside I suffered from the Judgy McJudgerton syndrome (otherwise known as a closet legalist).

Because my sins didn’t fall into the immoral or heinous categories, I figured I was pretty sin-free. I would look at other parents who had troubled kids and shake my head and wonder what-in-the-world-had-gone-wrong-in-their-family.

And then my husband came down with a nasty bout of cancer that had him circling the drain multiple times. It took a miracle to heal him, and I came to know that God allows us to have trials to make us stronger—without the wind, tree roots would never need to go down deep.

Without the wind, tree roots would never need to go down deep. Click To Tweet

When our daughters hit their teenage years, I still judged people—those kids who got arrested for DUI, that rapist or murder, the student who cheated on a test—they all stood condemned before God (and their parents by proxy). And then my eldest daughter shoplifted. Suddenly, I was the bad parent. I felt uncomfortable. I felt ashamed. I felt convicted that maybe I needed to stop judging others. But I didn’t.

Judging had become a habit. One God needed to gently break. I didn’t fully understand that he has no limits to his love. He loves his squeaky-clean children just as much as he loves his murderer children. He loves his Judgy McJudgerton children just as much as he loves his rapist children.

When our youngest struggled with depression last year, and then started doing things so uncharacteristic that they scared me, I finally understand a little bit more about how God has no limits to his love. My daughter told me to F-off. My daughter told me to get out of her life. She did things that no mother would want their child to do. But you know what? I loved her anyway. And I just have puny human love.

Imagine how much God loves you, and me, and the bum on the street. There is no limit on his love—how much he loves us and for how long he’ll keep on loving us.

There is no limit on God's love--how much he loves you nor for how long he'll love you. Click To Tweet

I finally get it. I see people differently now. God loves them. Really loves them because they are his. Who am I to put them down, judge them or belittle them? They are each God’s precious children.

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Anita currently teaches English to 7th-12th graders. She describes herself as a 'recovering cancer caregiver' who gives thanks daily that her husband has been cancer-free for ten years.

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