Out-of-focus Caregiving Can Harm Your Health

watch your focus

I learned the hard way what happens when I lose my focus.

I opened the box and quickly tore the wrapper from around its contents. Ah. Pure bliss—a thick layer of dark chocolate covered an incredible sweet bar of chocolate ice cream. “How do you spell relief?” I asked myself. “H-A-A-G-E-N D-A-Z” I said under my breath as I bit into heaven and I started trudging up the eleven flights of stairs to Pedro’s hospital room.

I took the stairs because I wanted to eat an ice cream bar, and I figured the climb might cancel the calories. A niggle of doubt wormed into my brain. After all, I’d already put on about 45 pounds since Pedro’s initial diagnosis with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma six months earlier.

My internal argument raged as I huffed and puffed up flight after flight to the blood cancer ward.  “Everyone says I need to take time for ME,” I thought. “If I want to eat an ice-cream bar, that’s taking time for me, right?

Unfortunately, I had lost my focus. I had focused so intently on helping Pedro get well, that I lost sight of myself and the bigger picture of my life. I coped with stress by eating—too much, too quickly and too often. I had quit exercising (I had a perfect excuse—big cities had dangers around every corner, and if something happened to me, what would happen to Pedro and the girls?).

My focus had caused a severe case of denial. As in, I thought I needed to deny myself everything good and healthy in my life in order to help Pedro, and then I ignored the results of my denial (increased feelings of tiredness and ability to cope without resorting to crutches—like chocolate).

It's unhealthy to deny yourself everything good in life when you become a #caregiver. Click To Tweet

Photography eventually became the catalyst to help me understand balance in my life. But that’s a story for next week (and my five minutes have ended).

(You can find my first caregiver self-care tip here.)

What about you? Have you ever had a season of caregiving or extreme stress that caused your focus to slip?

Anita currently teaches English to 7th-12th graders. She describes herself as a ‘recovering cancer caregiver’ who gives thanks daily that her husband has been cancer-free for ten years.

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  • Hello, Anita! It is so easy to lose focus in life! Thanks for the warning and reminder!

  • Oh, Anita, I know what you mean! It’s so easy to neglect ourselves when others need us. My almost 93 yr. old mother needs me a lot as she’s gone through various things, and then my son with MD needs me every day, and then there are grandchildren to babysit and a husband who sometimes gets the short end of the stick, etc… I find, though, that when I do make sure to care for me, too, it slows me down enough to see what things I really need to do and what things can be left undone. My husband usually helps me see when I’m forgetting myself. He’s good like that. 🙂 But it’s hard sometimes, isn’t it? I’m in a place now where I’m realizing that I need more rest and I’m going to have to learn to say no more often. Thanks for sharing. Blessings to you!
    Gayl Wright recently posted…A Different FocusMy Profile

    • It’s awesome to have someone hold you accountable for taking care of YOU! That’s so important. You have a full plate, and that’s when it’s most important to make sure you get nourishment, too!
      Anita Ojeda recently posted…How to be a Mentor and Not a MeddlerMy Profile

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  • Me and dark chocolate…we go way way back! ????
    Great tip for caregivers, Anita.

    Lynette
    ~#8 on linkup
    Lynete recently posted…(FMF Friday) FocusMy Profile