I thought when my son finished cancer treatment I could “return to normal” and have time for myself. I thought if I didn’t teach full-time I could have time to write and think and process. I thought that as my children spent less time at home it would mean my home would stay clean.
Are you done laughing?
Yes, I freely admit it. I was delusional.
But I was happy in my delusion and often I try to continue those thoughts. Someday I’ll have all the time I want to write. Someday I will have a clean house. Someday I will do nothing but read. Someday I will only do exactly what I WANT to do for days on end.
Wait. That doesn’t sound perfect. Because to do those things I wouldn’t be running off to watch my daughter’s basketball game. I wouldn’t be driving my son to practice. I wouldn’t be getting my daughter to early morning rehearsal. I wouldn’t be hearing my kids laugh hysterically as they chase each other down the hall. I wouldn’t hear loud piano playing and raucous singing. I would miss the family eating together and the grumbles that it’s “too early for showers.”
A mom’s life is chaotic and hectic and beautiful.
A couple of years ago I found a new favorite verse: “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
I love it. God tells me to be still. I don’t have time to be still. Except in my head.
I can worry and fuss and wish things were different. Or I can still my rushing thoughts and remind myself that “God’s got this.” And I can relax.
That doesn’t mean I don’t drop everything to go get my boy’s forgotten lunch. It doesn’t mean I skip the three hour drive for Parent Weekend at college while my husband stays home with the other two for their SA masquerade party. It doesn’t mean I don’t scramble for that last minute permission slip or turn around for the homework left on the printer. It does mean I only have time to write during five-minute-Fridays because I barely have five minutes to sit in my bathrobe as I holler over my shoulder that the lunch is on the counter and remind them to get a coat.
But I can relax. A mom’s life is chaotic and hectic and beautiful, but God will fight for me.